“Oh honey, if ANYONE would have an albino bird, it would be you.”

Blanca

We have a white robin spending the season with us. We’ve named her Blanca, although she could be a he for all I know, as it isn’t easy to identify the sex of a robin–or at least it isn’t easy for me. I mean, forget figuring out the sex, I had the species wrong for over a week. I thought she was dove until I noticed she was always hanging with the other robins, doing robinesque things (I just made up that word because making up shit is all the rage these days) and generally acting, well, all robiny (made up that one, too). So I pulled out the binoculars and discovered that she was, indeed, a robin and that her breast was ever so slightly pink. That was a couple of weeks ago. Since then, her breast is much darker, heading toward red, although her back and head remain snow white. It’s a striking look and I can’t for the life of me figure out why more robins aren’t doing it.

“Oh honey, if ANYONE would have an albino bird, it would be you.” That’s what my friend, Teri, texted back after I alerted her of the situation. I’m certain it was a compliment. She’s probably jealvious, which is a portmanteau I just concocted by combining jealous and envious. And since those words mean the same thing, I’m insisting that jealvious be used only when one is overly jealous or super envious–you know, like Teri is over Blanca.

I’m concerned about her–Blanca, not Teri. What if she’s too different and the other robins ostracize her because of it?  Honestly, this could be happening right before my very eyes and I’m just too ignorant of robin ostracization techniques to see it. What if they’re jealvious of her fantastic plumage and retaliate by taking her worms? What if she’s a he and the other robins gang up on him and whip his near albino (nearbino) ass because he’s not like them yet still has the gall and audacity (galldacity) to show his little robin face at the little robin playground every day? I worry.

And I know what you’re thinking, or at least some of you: “Hey, a-hole, while you’re making up shit, why not make up the next installment of that short story you started three months ago?” 

I know. I KNOW!!! I’ve allowed myself to be distracted by many things, including the plight of a mutant bird and the specter of WWIII. However, I’m on it. Really. Stay tuned.

Categories: Extra Dry Blog